Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
