Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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