I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
