I'm sorry my penis didn't work
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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