You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
