At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Even my vagina gasped.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
