I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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