Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
