two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
