"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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