I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
