he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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