his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
