There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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