and my herpes radar will keep us safe
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
