And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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