I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
