My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You smell like stripper and shame
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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