you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
