Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
