Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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