i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize