I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
