if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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