billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
