he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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