My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
