Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
