I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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