he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
