He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
But break dance skills will only take you so far
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
