No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
