i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
