rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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