Where is the hickey?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
