On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
