Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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