I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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