are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
