is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
