I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i will never coherently bang her
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
