I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
