I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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