Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
