i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
