I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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