I want to have your abortion
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize