I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
