True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize