I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
