And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
