its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
