You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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