my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you would pick up someone in the library
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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