We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize