According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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