best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
