so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
