A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
