I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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