By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
