I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
