I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
