we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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