how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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