I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
BRING THE BAGELS
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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