im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
