The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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