I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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