Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
