This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
