I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
