I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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