Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
