i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
