Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
