***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
