I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I love you. Go after that dick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
