I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
