he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
