i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
