you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
