I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
did you just send me my own nude
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
