I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
